Meditate on "Don't Meditate"

I was in yoga last night and for one of the meditations we did, the instruction was "don't meditate!" Instead of sitting quietly and going "no mind," we, well, we did sit quietly but instead of "no mind" we went the road of "active mind" instead. We traced our whole day. What did we do? Whom did we see? How did we feel? What did we think?

I got up and didn't run because it is Monday and I don't run on Monday. I started my oil pulling and got in the shower. I washed my face, then my hair, then my body. I got out and combed my hair. I put jojoba oil on my face. I blow dried my hair. I continued with my facial regimen. I went to my altar and lit a candle. I sat to meditate and ended up emailing my boss. I sat some more. The timer went and I thanked god for the willingness to sit. I got up and put on lotion and my make-up. I got dressed for work. I made tea.

Before I even got out the door, the meditation was over. I realized that I felt even more relaxed than I do when I "no mind" sit and it got me thinking. If the purpose of meditation is to let the sub-conscience rest (mental flossing, I recently heard it called) then perhaps if I keep my conscience mind active, the sub conscience is given a chance to settle down. Makes enough sense to me.

I tried it this morning and I went for a full-on, action-packed, busy-brain, list of a meditation and you know what? It kind of worked. I was less fidgety and at the end of it, I felt ready to hit up the day. Not only did I have a sense for what I wanted to do today, but it wasn't very chatter-ey at all.

So if the purpose of meditation is to rest the sub-conscience and be present, then have I been going about it all wrong with this "no mind' stuff? "Busy-mind" might really be where it's at for me. Today, anyway. Both certainly have their place but it is nice to find that I have an alternative. I work on being nice and forgiving to myself when I get busy-minded during a meditation and this simply takes that to the next level.

I love finding new techniques for meditation. I love trying them and experimenting. It serves as a reminder to me to stop taking meditation so seriously and that it can take so many different forms that there truly is no doing wrong...other than not doing it!

Get out there, yogis. Sit or walk or chant or dance. Have a quiet mind or a busy one. Be still or be active. Just try something to clear away the day and to get present.

Try it. You'll like it. I promise.

Namaste

If you want to spend your energy that way, far be it from me to stop you…

This is a new mantra of mine. It took awhile (31 years) to finally feel natural to say/think/feel but now that I’ve got it, boy howdy, am I keeping it alive!

I’ve got a co-worker – we’ve all got coworkers – who seems to enjoy spending his energy in proving other people wrong. Things usually turn out the way they should (sometimes even the way I want them to) but it just takes a little longer because we must all give this man space to do his thing and argue every step of the way. I find this waste of time to be quite frustrating and often let it/him be a bee in my bonnet which upsets my serenity. My sparkle, if you will.

I was told something years ago by a dear friend who is an expert at the line of work I had just begrudgingly entered, “You control your sparkle, Rachel.” That was the last thing I wanted to hear at the time but 3 years later here I sit: sparkling up a storm.

Now, I catch myself wanting to get involved when the opportunity presents itself. Just now, in fact, I consciously stopped myself from responding to something that was better to leave alone. The growth, friends, is that I did leave it alone. He is welcome to spend his energy checking and double-checking and asking for things that are either impossible or incorrect. I have no choice when it comes to how his energy is spent. Where I do have a choice is where my energy goes.

I went to a lovely Kirtan and meditation this week and, since then, have found myself much more able to let things drop. In my meditations of late I have had two dominating visualizations: The first is a body of water with a lotus flower and a flame. I am the flower, the flame is my spiritual condition, and the water is the world around me. One can be upset and cause another to flicker but each can also remain still in spite of the activity of the others. The world can be in motion yet my flower and flame can remain steady. At work, I find my flame on the edge of flickering (especially during and after interactions with this particular person) but what I have gained through meditation is the choice of how much I am affected. My flame can remain still on an active body of water. I have a choice in how my energy is spent.

The other imagery that has come to me is that we are all one. Not that we’re all similar but that we are actually all one. At an atomic level I am made of the same stuff as the stars – the same awesome and beautiful power and energy that brightens the universe is alive in each cell of my body. And in the chair upon which I sit. And in that man at my job.

Further, I submit that there is no space between me and another object, only molecules I can’t see. When I look at it that way, with no space between me and something else, I am merely an extension of something else, and others are an extension of me. I am no different from this man; I am part of him and he of me. As much as I sometimes wish he weren’t, he is. He is in my consciousness and a part of my spiritual condition and therefore a part of me. And so I love him the way I love myself. I remember being scared that I was going to make a mistake and how intolerable that made me. I didn’t get thrown away and neither shall he.

Realizing that I do not have to engage in every whim of another has also allowed me to stop engaging in all of my own silly whims. If I get stuck in a train of thought that isn’t doing me any good, I can simply let it go. I don’t always, but I can. This hands-off approach has afforded me the energy to do the things that bring me more joy. I think it’s working. I think I’ll try to keep it up…

Namasté

Springing forward...

The Spring Equinox is upon us. I plan to celebrate by participating in a Yoga Mala (108 Sun Salutations) and, I have to say, I'm really looking forward to it. My plan was to "train" and get ready for it starting about 2 months ago but that didn't happen. Instead, I have been meditating on renewal and on having fresh ideas and experiences while letting go of things I am growing out of that don't serve me anymore.

The shift into Spring is real. Spring Cleaning happens for a reason. And it happens all around us. Trees shed their winter selves to make space for new blooms. We clean out our closets - putting winter clothes away and making room for warm weather attire. The days start to get longer and, emotionally, I find myself more ready than ever to shed my old ideas and to grow some new ones. As I let my old blooms fall to the ground, fresh new ideas spring up and I want to spring forward and live this new me.

The name of the season itself tells me I'm supposed to take action. Spring: leap, bounce, bound, hop, vault. But also flexibility, give, and resilience. I can leap, bounce and bound into the next stage of life but "springing" also gives me permission to be flexible, giving, and resilient about the changes. Things might not bloom and develop quite the way I plan them but my springy-ness allows me to go with the flow and adapt.

A Yoga Mala is not only a physical practice, it's an emotional, mental, and spiritual one. I have an idea of how the practice will be but, in reality, I have no idea. What I do know is that it will be lovely however it turns out. Cleaning my closet is no different. Neither is rising early and getting a head start on my day. These are all ways that I can shed the old and take that step forward knowing with every breath that I will have the flexibility and bounce to end up exactly where I am supposed to.

Tomorrow, the Mala. Today, laundry calls. Off I go to spring into action...

It’s a mind-game, really…

Spring seems to be right around the corner. This year, I plan to celebrate the Equinox with a Yoga Mala (108 Sun Salutations). 108?! That seems like a lot. It is. Last time I did it, it took me about an hour-and-a-half to two hours which seems like a long time to do Surya Namaskar. Luckily, there are many modifications and variations to keep me interested. But more than the sheer number of vinyasas involved, I found the whole experience to be more of a mind-game than anything else.

Fairly early on, my left toe started to get a little worn out. “You gotta stop,” I began to tell myself. “It’s not healthy to keep going,” I persistently continued. “What are you trying to prove, anyway?”… “You’re here by yourself, you can even say you finished…” I went on and on. But intermittently, the beauty of what was actually going on came into focus. It was a beautiful spring morning and I was all by myself in a park. I was healthy and my body was getting a lovely all-over awakening.

Before I knew it, I looked down at my counter (a string of beads I made for this very event) and noticed that I was more than halfway through. The mind quieted down for a bit and the next few sets were easy. Then it came down to the final stretch and I started wanting to quit again. I was hungry (not really; I just wanted to go to breakfast). I was tired (sure, but I’m tired now and I’m not going to take a nap). It occurred to me that I was just getting bored. It also occurred to me that my preparatory work didn’t include meditation. Hmm… I wonder if that would have helped any…

Doing anything 108 times takes focus. It takes practice. And, most importantly, it takes patience. In my daily life I’m not always patient. I want to be done with things so that I can say I’ve completed them. I want to be into the next thing before I’m done where I am. It’s a daily practice for me to be where I am; to be present; to be mindful. Being in that peaceful state where everything is a meditation takes work, but it is real. And it is really achievable. And having been in that mind-space before, let me tell you: It’s wonderful. Nothing compares.

As of today, there are nine-and-a-half weeks until March 20, 2011 when I will participate in/lead a Yoga Mala. That’s quite some time for me to get used to the idea of doing Sun Salutations. That’s a plenty of time for me to decide on which variations will be good to include. And most of all, it’s time for me to practice sitting. It seems contrary to my big ideas that meditating will help me with a physical asana practice but in my heart, I know it will. The more I can still my mind, the more in-tune I will be able to be with my surroundings and what is really going on. Sutra 1:2 of the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali comes to mind: Yogas chitta vritti nirodhah. “Yoga is the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind” Looks like I might be headed in the right direction.

I invite you to join me for a Yoga Mala this Spring.

I invite you to practice the cessation of the fluctuation of your mind-stuffs.

I invite you to experience peace.

Namasté

Yoga for a Bright New Year

My practice lately has naturally been drawn to the heart chakra and it’s qualities of compassion and universal oneness. As I look back at this last year, I see myself with compassion and realize that I am woven into the greater fabric of my community, my planet, and the Universe. I take that compassion and allow the soothing and calming waters of the fourth chakra to open my heart to myself and others. “I love” is the mantra for the heart. I love the anticipation for what can happen next in the year to come.

All around me people are cramming in everything they can before the end of 2010. I stopped making lists full of goals I knew I wouldn’t accomplish years ago and so for me, the end of the year is a time to relax, reflect, and prepare for the imminent new beginning. If there is something I didn’t get a chance to do this year, I can add it to my vision for the New Year. And note, I say “vision” not “resolution”. To me, resolutions were lofty goals I made to somehow make up for the areas in which I thought I was lacking. Visioning gives me something tangible to look at everyday which gives me purpose to take action. When I want something to become real, I vision instead of resolve.

I use the tool of vision boards. I go through magazines and rip out pictures and words that express what I’m feeling inside. I paste them on a board and hang the board on my wall where I can see it everyday. I then get to stare at my vision and it makes me accountable for it. I am reminded of small steps I can take to make those visions a reality.

We’re at the doorway of a new season, a new year, and a new age. This can be a time for us to reflect on the recent past and create our visions for the future. The mantra that comes to mind is “om gum ganapatayei namaha” which is the mantra to remove all obstacles standing in the way of my progress. As I hear those words over and over I can see myself accomplishing things I never before thought possible. I see myself in a handstand without the wall. I see myself being accepted to graduate school and earning the degree which will allow me to work in the profession I feel will allow me to express my place in the universe as I help people get in touch with their bodies and with their health. I see myself growing old with the woman I love as we devote our lives to each other.

As I take my place on the mat on hands and knees, I place my hands squarely under my shoulders; my knees under my hips. My back is neutral and my breath is even. Inhaling, I engage mula bhanda (root lock) by lifting all the muscles of the pelvic floor and I draw my navel towards the earth beneath me. My heart reaches forward, out, and up and my gaze draws to the ceiling—reaching not with my chin but with my brow. Feeling myself full of new breath, new ideas, new life I exhale and start to point my tail to the ground as my spine waves, my back arches, and my gazes falls in to my navel. When the breath is complete, I begin the cycle again. Each end is a new beginning. When once breath empties from my body, I do not mourn the end of a powerful exhale; rather, I rejoice in the opportunity to sip in a new breath and to experience what is in store for me.

Breathing through cat and cow is a wonderful way for me to be reminded of the cycles we live each day. And of the fact that they are, indeed, cycles. Life is not a haphazard collection of parallel and intersecting lines that stop and start. Life is a pattern of continuing circles that overlap sometimes and go off in new directions other times. Even as my pattern spins off in a direction I did not anticipate, there are moments I do recognize or moments I did plan. There is a certain peace and acceptance in that for me.

As we cross the doorway into a new season, into a new year and into a new age, we can enter our own period of enlightenment and true living. What’s your vision?

Namasté and Happy Holidays.

Yoga for Computer Jobs

I work as a Financial Analyst. That means I sit at a desk all day and look at a computer screen. I work on spreadsheets and so often find myself leaning forward and leaning with my chin to see what I’m doing. I let go of my core and I crunch the back of my neck. My shoulders rise and chin juts out. My right arm is raised and lives on my mouse. I use a trackball which helps my shoulder but I do an awful lot of clicking and scrolling with my right forefinger. Then I lean back and slouch in my chair when I want to get a wide-shot of the amazingly complicated spreadsheet I’ve just created.

As you can likely imagine, my body gets pretty uncomfortable in a fairly short period of time. I feel the need to stretch and twist and yawn and refresh my brain on a pretty regular basis. Luckily, yoga doesn’t have to be practiced on a mat in a studio; luckily, I can practice yoga at my desk--and my co-workers might not even know I’m doing it!

Here are a few things I do during the day...

Desk Dandasana
Place your hands on the armrests of your chair and stick your legs out straight. I happen to have a shelf under my desk upon which I can rest my heels as I engage my feet and point my toes to the ceiling. If you don’t have one of those, you can always try to find a box to use as a footrest. And if you still can’t find anything, it’s OK, you only need your legs out for a few seconds. Tuck your chin and stretch the back of the neck long. Take a deep breath into the sides of your neck and drawn your navel into your spine. Hold the pose and breathe 3 full breaths...

Upright Cat and Cow
Place your feet on the floor and your hands on your armrests. Scoot forward in your chair so that your shins are as close to 90 degrees to the floor as you can easily manage. Press down with your hands and take the gaze to the ceiling--but try not to jut the chin out. Inhale as your body opens--heart coming forward and hips rolling forward and down. As you exhale, move your hands to the front of your desk and push yourself back (you’re likely in a rolling-chair so you’ll scoot back) until your arms and legs are straight. Take the gaze to your navel and as you push your hips away from your hands, feel the breath filling the space between your ribs. Hold the pose while the inhalation works its way through your whole body. Repeat a few times (3 to 5 is ideal) and be sure to yoke your breath with your body. Remember: if you’re moving, you should be breathing.

Swivel-chair Twists
Sitting on the edge of your chair with your feet flat on the floor, place your right hand on the right armrest of your chair. Inhale and sit up straight and tall. As you exhale, slide your left hand down the outside edge of your right knee, palm facing in. Turn your head to the right and maybe even look back over your right shoulder a little. You can use your right hand for a bit of opposing pressure but this isn’t supposed to be a yanking and pulling twist; we’re unwinding the body here so go easy. With each inhale, fall out of the pose just a touch and exhale a bit deeper into it. Do this for 3-5 breaths. Bring everything back together and do it to the left.

Arms Overheard Stretch
Sit up straight and tall. Interlace your fingers and, as you inhale, take them overhead with you palms facing up. Take the gaze up if you like or you can look down. If you look down, try looking up to the right, coming up under your arm. That gives me a nice stretch in my neck and shoulder area. If you do it to the right, do it to the left. Inhale as you look up and exhale and you return to neutral or a downward-facing gaze.

Spreadsheet Neck Stretch
I heard about this in a class once... Create a page that has text running to the right, from top to bottom, from left to right, and from bottom to top. When your neck gets stiff from sitting and staring at your monitor, take a break and read it. As you move your head, be sure to ground both hips into your seat and try to keep your shoulders level. Not only will your head get a chance to pause, but your neck will get a nice stretch as well!

Here's the one I use:

Formula Calculation Meditation
While you’re waiting for your formulas to calculate or your Pivot Tables to refresh, why not close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Sometimes I like to say a few Om’s while I breathe but it’s certainly not required. Not only do you get to avoid having to watch and wait impatiently while your spreadsheet catches up with your fabulous calculations, but you’ll also get a small opportunity to recharge and then when you do open your eyes, voila! It’s ready to go...

Enjoy, Spreadsheet in good health, and Namasté

I'm not sure why I tried doing it that way...

I do this thing sometimes where I try to quit something or do it the hard way just for the sake of being contrary. I'll practice with a really thin mat to show that my knees and hips can take when I know full well my body appreciates a second mat for more cushioning. I'll go directly to a bind to prove that I can (to whom? To me? The others in the room? The instructor?) instead of easing into it by taking some time in the other stages of the posture. And just recently, I tried to quit the social networking side of the Internet when here I am, using it for my very own Yoga business.

Suffice it to say, my contrary nature doesn't usually last very long. After a week or so of bruised knees and hips, I double up my mat. Once I strain a muscle or need more adjustments I start at the beginning of a pose instead of what I think of as the end. And when I notice that I use those websites as much as I did before, I allow myself to use it as a way of getting in touch with my friends.

The question I have is why so contrary? Why say no right off the bat before thinking about how much better yes might feel or how much more natural it will be. There are aspects of my personality where this comes into play frequently but I am still amazed (or at least tickled) when it shows up...especially in Yoga. For some reason, I feel like my Yoga practice is exempt from these qualities of my character—or at least it should be. It's not, however. It's just as susceptible as the rest of the things I do to fall victim to me getting in my own dang way.

All is not lost. There is hope for me and those like me. Noticing what I do is the first step—well, being willing to notice it is really the first step but awareness is right up there. So I'm willing to see, I can see, and then, if I can just get to acceptance, I think I have a chance. Acceptance, for me, of these quirky little things I do is the only way I know how to get past them. Somehow when I accept that they are a part of me I get immediate permission to stop doing them. I am freed from my own contrary nature.

Suddenly, using a second or a thicker may does not make me any more or less than other people practicing Yoga. Amazingly, when I stretch before tying myself up in yogic knots, my body is open to such things. And lo and behold, when I admit that I am “on the grid” I can simply open myself back up to social networking without being afraid of “I told you so” and “Ha! You're back” even if I get those responses from people.

Willingness to see it. See it. Accept it. Let it go. It sounds so simple...why can't it always be so easy?

Good thing I can blog about it...

Namasté