Meditate on "Don't Meditate"

I was in yoga last night and for one of the meditations we did, the instruction was "don't meditate!" Instead of sitting quietly and going "no mind," we, well, we did sit quietly but instead of "no mind" we went the road of "active mind" instead. We traced our whole day. What did we do? Whom did we see? How did we feel? What did we think?

I got up and didn't run because it is Monday and I don't run on Monday. I started my oil pulling and got in the shower. I washed my face, then my hair, then my body. I got out and combed my hair. I put jojoba oil on my face. I blow dried my hair. I continued with my facial regimen. I went to my altar and lit a candle. I sat to meditate and ended up emailing my boss. I sat some more. The timer went and I thanked god for the willingness to sit. I got up and put on lotion and my make-up. I got dressed for work. I made tea.

Before I even got out the door, the meditation was over. I realized that I felt even more relaxed than I do when I "no mind" sit and it got me thinking. If the purpose of meditation is to let the sub-conscience rest (mental flossing, I recently heard it called) then perhaps if I keep my conscience mind active, the sub conscience is given a chance to settle down. Makes enough sense to me.

I tried it this morning and I went for a full-on, action-packed, busy-brain, list of a meditation and you know what? It kind of worked. I was less fidgety and at the end of it, I felt ready to hit up the day. Not only did I have a sense for what I wanted to do today, but it wasn't very chatter-ey at all.

So if the purpose of meditation is to rest the sub-conscience and be present, then have I been going about it all wrong with this "no mind' stuff? "Busy-mind" might really be where it's at for me. Today, anyway. Both certainly have their place but it is nice to find that I have an alternative. I work on being nice and forgiving to myself when I get busy-minded during a meditation and this simply takes that to the next level.

I love finding new techniques for meditation. I love trying them and experimenting. It serves as a reminder to me to stop taking meditation so seriously and that it can take so many different forms that there truly is no doing wrong...other than not doing it!

Get out there, yogis. Sit or walk or chant or dance. Have a quiet mind or a busy one. Be still or be active. Just try something to clear away the day and to get present.

Try it. You'll like it. I promise.

Namaste

I'm not sure why I tried doing it that way...

I do this thing sometimes where I try to quit something or do it the hard way just for the sake of being contrary. I'll practice with a really thin mat to show that my knees and hips can take when I know full well my body appreciates a second mat for more cushioning. I'll go directly to a bind to prove that I can (to whom? To me? The others in the room? The instructor?) instead of easing into it by taking some time in the other stages of the posture. And just recently, I tried to quit the social networking side of the Internet when here I am, using it for my very own Yoga business.

Suffice it to say, my contrary nature doesn't usually last very long. After a week or so of bruised knees and hips, I double up my mat. Once I strain a muscle or need more adjustments I start at the beginning of a pose instead of what I think of as the end. And when I notice that I use those websites as much as I did before, I allow myself to use it as a way of getting in touch with my friends.

The question I have is why so contrary? Why say no right off the bat before thinking about how much better yes might feel or how much more natural it will be. There are aspects of my personality where this comes into play frequently but I am still amazed (or at least tickled) when it shows up...especially in Yoga. For some reason, I feel like my Yoga practice is exempt from these qualities of my character—or at least it should be. It's not, however. It's just as susceptible as the rest of the things I do to fall victim to me getting in my own dang way.

All is not lost. There is hope for me and those like me. Noticing what I do is the first step—well, being willing to notice it is really the first step but awareness is right up there. So I'm willing to see, I can see, and then, if I can just get to acceptance, I think I have a chance. Acceptance, for me, of these quirky little things I do is the only way I know how to get past them. Somehow when I accept that they are a part of me I get immediate permission to stop doing them. I am freed from my own contrary nature.

Suddenly, using a second or a thicker may does not make me any more or less than other people practicing Yoga. Amazingly, when I stretch before tying myself up in yogic knots, my body is open to such things. And lo and behold, when I admit that I am “on the grid” I can simply open myself back up to social networking without being afraid of “I told you so” and “Ha! You're back” even if I get those responses from people.

Willingness to see it. See it. Accept it. Let it go. It sounds so simple...why can't it always be so easy?

Good thing I can blog about it...

Namasté

It doesn't look how I want it to look today...

I used to practice asana more often than I do now. I used to be stronger and have more endurance. I used to be more flexible. My right hip and wrist didn't used to speak to me quite so loudly as they do today. I used to have a core like a tree-trunk.... The list can go on--if I let it.

The truth is, I'm human. Congratulations. My body and my practice have changed, are changing, and will continue to change as long as I'm alive...and that's a good thing. When I can peel myself away from the movie which tells me I should be this or I used to do that for just long enough to catch a breath, I am reminded that all that stuff in none of my business. If my heels do or don't touch the ground in Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward-Facing Dog) is really none. of. my. business. My business is to practice the asana with sincerity and the rest will be however it is.

Sometimes I try to fight that and I am inclined to push, pull, or yank my way into a posture but each time I am swiftly and lovingly reminded that is not where I am at that moment. It's a great experience when I remember to let go and just be in the pose--and I am grateful to hear reminders from teachers to do just that--but sometimes I don't listen and I try to live in the past or in the future. And, go figure, those are the times when I find my thoughts, breath, and practice in general to be disorganized and clunky.

On the occasions that I am able to take a step back and breathe into a posture, however, my body, breath, and mind fall into a beautifully choreographed ballet. I close my eyes and inhale. I can feel my heart lift and my sacrum point to the floor. My toes wiggle into the mat. As I exhale, my shoulders fall down away from my ears and my chin rests easy. Samasthithi (Equal Standing).

I inhale and lift my arms out to the side and up over my head and just as my fingertips touch, my gaze meets my thumbs and I can float inside my inhale. Exhaling, my arms open to the side and down to the ground as my body folds in half, chin to my chest and fingers to my toes. Feeling myself empty, I enjoy the stretch of Uttanasana (Forward Bend).

As I inhale my heart reaches forward as my gaze lifts to the sky, fingers grazing the ground in Adrha Uttanasana (Half Forward Bend) and I exhale back into the fold and jump back and down into Chaturanga Dandasana (Four-limbed Staff Pose), letting go of the stale breath and thought that interferes with my conscious contact to my practice and the universe.

I inhale from my toes and roll forward and through into Urdhva Mukha Svanasana (Upward-Facing Dog) where I receive new breath and new ideas. As I exhale and lift from my root, I press back and crawl into Adho Mukha Svanasana and I let my body find the pose on its own. Breathing five full breaths in this posture is one of the most direct ways I have ever experienced to dial-in to what is going on in my body and with my thoughts at that very moment. It reminds me to be present and to be grateful and to be patient.

I inhale and fill my body with new breath which I use to jump my feet back up to meet my hands on an exhale. As I inhale, my chin stays in and my arms reach out to the side and rotate up together to meet in Urdhva Hastasana (Upward Hand Pose). I exhale back to Tadasana (Mountain Pose) and feel myself connected still and once again.

When I put it that way, that looks exactly how I want it to look today...

On this day...
In this moment...
With this breath....

Namasté