It doesn't look how I want it to look today...

I used to practice asana more often than I do now. I used to be stronger and have more endurance. I used to be more flexible. My right hip and wrist didn't used to speak to me quite so loudly as they do today. I used to have a core like a tree-trunk.... The list can go on--if I let it.

The truth is, I'm human. Congratulations. My body and my practice have changed, are changing, and will continue to change as long as I'm alive...and that's a good thing. When I can peel myself away from the movie which tells me I should be this or I used to do that for just long enough to catch a breath, I am reminded that all that stuff in none of my business. If my heels do or don't touch the ground in Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward-Facing Dog) is really none. of. my. business. My business is to practice the asana with sincerity and the rest will be however it is.

Sometimes I try to fight that and I am inclined to push, pull, or yank my way into a posture but each time I am swiftly and lovingly reminded that is not where I am at that moment. It's a great experience when I remember to let go and just be in the pose--and I am grateful to hear reminders from teachers to do just that--but sometimes I don't listen and I try to live in the past or in the future. And, go figure, those are the times when I find my thoughts, breath, and practice in general to be disorganized and clunky.

On the occasions that I am able to take a step back and breathe into a posture, however, my body, breath, and mind fall into a beautifully choreographed ballet. I close my eyes and inhale. I can feel my heart lift and my sacrum point to the floor. My toes wiggle into the mat. As I exhale, my shoulders fall down away from my ears and my chin rests easy. Samasthithi (Equal Standing).

I inhale and lift my arms out to the side and up over my head and just as my fingertips touch, my gaze meets my thumbs and I can float inside my inhale. Exhaling, my arms open to the side and down to the ground as my body folds in half, chin to my chest and fingers to my toes. Feeling myself empty, I enjoy the stretch of Uttanasana (Forward Bend).

As I inhale my heart reaches forward as my gaze lifts to the sky, fingers grazing the ground in Adrha Uttanasana (Half Forward Bend) and I exhale back into the fold and jump back and down into Chaturanga Dandasana (Four-limbed Staff Pose), letting go of the stale breath and thought that interferes with my conscious contact to my practice and the universe.

I inhale from my toes and roll forward and through into Urdhva Mukha Svanasana (Upward-Facing Dog) where I receive new breath and new ideas. As I exhale and lift from my root, I press back and crawl into Adho Mukha Svanasana and I let my body find the pose on its own. Breathing five full breaths in this posture is one of the most direct ways I have ever experienced to dial-in to what is going on in my body and with my thoughts at that very moment. It reminds me to be present and to be grateful and to be patient.

I inhale and fill my body with new breath which I use to jump my feet back up to meet my hands on an exhale. As I inhale, my chin stays in and my arms reach out to the side and rotate up together to meet in Urdhva Hastasana (Upward Hand Pose). I exhale back to Tadasana (Mountain Pose) and feel myself connected still and once again.

When I put it that way, that looks exactly how I want it to look today...

On this day...
In this moment...
With this breath....

Namasté