Thursday, April 21, 2011

If you want to spend your energy that way, far be it from me to stop you…

This is a new mantra of mine. It took awhile (31 years) to finally feel natural to say/think/feel but now that I’ve got it, boy howdy, am I keeping it alive!

I’ve got a co-worker – we’ve all got coworkers – who seems to enjoy spending his energy in proving other people wrong. Things usually turn out the way they should (sometimes even the way I want them to) but it just takes a little longer because we must all give this man space to do his thing and argue every step of the way. I find this waste of time to be quite frustrating and often let it/him be a bee in my bonnet which upsets my serenity. My sparkle, if you will.

I was told something years ago by a dear friend who is an expert at the line of work I had just begrudgingly entered, “You control your sparkle, Rachel.” That was the last thing I wanted to hear at the time but 3 years later here I sit: sparkling up a storm.

Now, I catch myself wanting to get involved when the opportunity presents itself. Just now, in fact, I consciously stopped myself from responding to something that was better to leave alone. The growth, friends, is that I did leave it alone. He is welcome to spend his energy checking and double-checking and asking for things that are either impossible or incorrect. I have no choice when it comes to how his energy is spent. Where I do have a choice is where my energy goes.

I went to a lovely Kirtan and meditation this week and, since then, have found myself much more able to let things drop. In my meditations of late I have had two dominating visualizations: The first is a body of water with a lotus flower and a flame. I am the flower, the flame is my spiritual condition, and the water is the world around me. One can be upset and cause another to flicker but each can also remain still in spite of the activity of the others. The world can be in motion yet my flower and flame can remain steady. At work, I find my flame on the edge of flickering (especially during and after interactions with this particular person) but what I have gained through meditation is the choice of how much I am affected. My flame can remain still on an active body of water. I have a choice in how my energy is spent.

The other imagery that has come to me is that we are all one. Not that we’re all similar but that we are actually all one. At an atomic level I am made of the same stuff as the stars – the same awesome and beautiful power and energy that brightens the universe is alive in each cell of my body. And in the chair upon which I sit. And in that man at my job.

Further, I submit that there is no space between me and another object, only molecules I can’t see. When I look at it that way, with no space between me and something else, I am merely an extension of something else, and others are an extension of me. I am no different from this man; I am part of him and he of me. As much as I sometimes wish he weren’t, he is. He is in my consciousness and a part of my spiritual condition and therefore a part of me. And so I love him the way I love myself. I remember being scared that I was going to make a mistake and how intolerable that made me. I didn’t get thrown away and neither shall he.

Realizing that I do not have to engage in every whim of another has also allowed me to stop engaging in all of my own silly whims. If I get stuck in a train of thought that isn’t doing me any good, I can simply let it go. I don’t always, but I can. This hands-off approach has afforded me the energy to do the things that bring me more joy. I think it’s working. I think I’ll try to keep it up…

Namasté

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Springing forward...

The Spring Equinox is upon us. I plan to celebrate by participating in a Yoga Mala (108 Sun Salutations) and, I have to say, I'm really looking forward to it. My plan was to "train" and get ready for it starting about 2 months ago but that didn't happen. Instead, I have been meditating on renewal and on having fresh ideas and experiences while letting go of things I am growing out of that don't serve me anymore.

The shift into Spring is real. Spring Cleaning happens for a reason. And it happens all around us. Trees shed their winter selves to make space for new blooms. We clean out our closets - putting winter clothes away and making room for warm weather attire. The days start to get longer and, emotionally, I find myself more ready than ever to shed my old ideas and to grow some new ones. As I let my old blooms fall to the ground, fresh new ideas spring up and I want to spring forward and live this new me.

The name of the season itself tells me I'm supposed to take action. Spring: leap, bounce, bound, hop, vault. But also flexibility, give, and resilience. I can leap, bounce and bound into the next stage of life but "springing" also gives me permission to be flexible, giving, and resilient about the changes. Things might not bloom and develop quite the way I plan them but my springy-ness allows me to go with the flow and adapt.

A Yoga Mala is not only a physical practice, it's an emotional, mental, and spiritual one. I have an idea of how the practice will be but, in reality, I have no idea. What I do know is that it will be lovely however it turns out. Cleaning my closet is no different. Neither is rising early and getting a head start on my day. These are all ways that I can shed the old and take that step forward knowing with every breath that I will have the flexibility and bounce to end up exactly where I am supposed to.

Tomorrow, the Mala. Today, laundry calls. Off I go to spring into action...

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

It’s a mind-game, really…

Spring seems to be right around the corner. This year, I plan to celebrate the Equinox with a Yoga Mala (108 Sun Salutations). 108?! That seems like a lot. It is. Last time I did it, it took me about an hour-and-a-half to two hours which seems like a long time to do Surya Namaskar. Luckily, there are many modifications and variations to keep me interested. But more than the sheer number of vinyasas involved, I found the whole experience to be more of a mind-game than anything else.

Fairly early on, my left toe started to get a little worn out. “You gotta stop,” I began to tell myself. “It’s not healthy to keep going,” I persistently continued. “What are you trying to prove, anyway?”… “You’re here by yourself, you can even say you finished…” I went on and on. But intermittently, the beauty of what was actually going on came into focus. It was a beautiful spring morning and I was all by myself in a park. I was healthy and my body was getting a lovely all-over awakening.

Before I knew it, I looked down at my counter (a string of beads I made for this very event) and noticed that I was more than halfway through. The mind quieted down for a bit and the next few sets were easy. Then it came down to the final stretch and I started wanting to quit again. I was hungry (not really; I just wanted to go to breakfast). I was tired (sure, but I’m tired now and I’m not going to take a nap). It occurred to me that I was just getting bored. It also occurred to me that my preparatory work didn’t include meditation. Hmm… I wonder if that would have helped any…

Doing anything 108 times takes focus. It takes practice. And, most importantly, it takes patience. In my daily life I’m not always patient. I want to be done with things so that I can say I’ve completed them. I want to be into the next thing before I’m done where I am. It’s a daily practice for me to be where I am; to be present; to be mindful. Being in that peaceful state where everything is a meditation takes work, but it is real. And it is really achievable. And having been in that mind-space before, let me tell you: It’s wonderful. Nothing compares.

As of today, there are nine-and-a-half weeks until March 20, 2011 when I will participate in/lead a Yoga Mala. That’s quite some time for me to get used to the idea of doing Sun Salutations. That’s a plenty of time for me to decide on which variations will be good to include. And most of all, it’s time for me to practice sitting. It seems contrary to my big ideas that meditating will help me with a physical asana practice but in my heart, I know it will. The more I can still my mind, the more in-tune I will be able to be with my surroundings and what is really going on. Sutra 1:2 of the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali comes to mind: Yogas chitta vritti nirodhah. “Yoga is the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind” Looks like I might be headed in the right direction.

I invite you to join me for a Yoga Mala this Spring.

I invite you to practice the cessation of the fluctuation of your mind-stuffs.

I invite you to experience peace.

Namasté