I'm not sure why I tried doing it that way...

I do this thing sometimes where I try to quit something or do it the hard way just for the sake of being contrary. I'll practice with a really thin mat to show that my knees and hips can take when I know full well my body appreciates a second mat for more cushioning. I'll go directly to a bind to prove that I can (to whom? To me? The others in the room? The instructor?) instead of easing into it by taking some time in the other stages of the posture. And just recently, I tried to quit the social networking side of the Internet when here I am, using it for my very own Yoga business.

Suffice it to say, my contrary nature doesn't usually last very long. After a week or so of bruised knees and hips, I double up my mat. Once I strain a muscle or need more adjustments I start at the beginning of a pose instead of what I think of as the end. And when I notice that I use those websites as much as I did before, I allow myself to use it as a way of getting in touch with my friends.

The question I have is why so contrary? Why say no right off the bat before thinking about how much better yes might feel or how much more natural it will be. There are aspects of my personality where this comes into play frequently but I am still amazed (or at least tickled) when it shows up...especially in Yoga. For some reason, I feel like my Yoga practice is exempt from these qualities of my character—or at least it should be. It's not, however. It's just as susceptible as the rest of the things I do to fall victim to me getting in my own dang way.

All is not lost. There is hope for me and those like me. Noticing what I do is the first step—well, being willing to notice it is really the first step but awareness is right up there. So I'm willing to see, I can see, and then, if I can just get to acceptance, I think I have a chance. Acceptance, for me, of these quirky little things I do is the only way I know how to get past them. Somehow when I accept that they are a part of me I get immediate permission to stop doing them. I am freed from my own contrary nature.

Suddenly, using a second or a thicker may does not make me any more or less than other people practicing Yoga. Amazingly, when I stretch before tying myself up in yogic knots, my body is open to such things. And lo and behold, when I admit that I am “on the grid” I can simply open myself back up to social networking without being afraid of “I told you so” and “Ha! You're back” even if I get those responses from people.

Willingness to see it. See it. Accept it. Let it go. It sounds so simple...why can't it always be so easy?

Good thing I can blog about it...

Namasté